Everyone has experienced some sort of rejection. True, yes. But sexual abuse and bullying (I never received physical, just verbal abuse) just make the rejections worse, I swear. I’ve always been a lone wolf ever since I was very young in kindergarten. So trying to connect with someone since my divorce two years ago has been extremely difficult.
Honestly I think it’s due a to a number of different factors. My self-esteem is still low; all I can really focus on is my little tummy and how short I am. How most people would prefer a tall woman with long flowing hair and flawless makeup. At the moment, my hair is pretty short but growing fast. It’s skimming my neck now.
Another problem that I am having is that most of the men I attract are married. There are a lot of open marriages and I am NOT passing judgment on them. I’m not even really judging someone who is openly cheating. I just can’t help them cheat. Period. No matter how much we connect or like each other. I just can’t do it. So a lot of people that could have been right for me were discounted.
It really does feel like I will never have this sort of relationship. Like it’s too good to be true. If it doesn’t happen, that’s okay. But it feels like a waste. Nearly everyday I play out sexy scenarios in my head that go unfulfilled. I can go to the bar and find a guy to have vanilla sex, sure. Or I could ask him to dominate me. But it just wouldn’t feel right. Because he wouldn’t be a true dom to me…he wouldn’t be my protector, my friend, the man that cares for what is within me and not just what I can give him. Sex is so easy to find now. Finding a true connection seems impossible.
-Can I please be your sweet little cum guzzling whore?
-Wreck my pussy, Daddy, please.
-Fuck me like the whore that I am, Daddy.
-Punish me for fun.
-I love being your little cock whore.
-Can I squirt all over your beautiful cock?
One time I had a dream that I was underneath this guy’s desk at his job and I was going to give him a nice sloppy blowjob which included me deepthroating him of course and he was wearing a gorgeous suit and really nice shoes. Of course the dream ended abruptly when I woke up. It’s kind of sad how I have more of a life in my dreams than in real life. I just need to work on my confidence honestly. It’s getting better though. 🙂
I’m so frustrated. I know that I won’t find my daddy/mommy if I just hide in my room all day, but I’ve had bad luck with my search online and it’s very hard for me to go out and be social. I went to a munch once and I did not really enjoy it. I just have this feeling that I will never find the right daddy/mommy for me. Having low confidence doesn’t help either. All of this desire and lust just rots inside of me.
I crave to be your sweet babygirl, your little cum guzzling whore that gags on your cock and sucks your balls full of seed so good. Sucking you for as long as you want. My panties drenched in arousal from worshiping you. Swallowing your thick, hot loads of sweet cum. Always thirsty for more. Your little personal cock whore that loves to milk your cock with her throat. And after you are satiated, I just want to rest my head on your chest and linger in the glow of making you happy. Your fingers running through my hair, telling me what a good girl I am. That is all I crave.
I look for you everywhere, but you are nowhere to be found. I just find people that are lonely and disappointed with their marriages wanting me as their secret. And I can’t do that. And not every guy likes being a daddy dom so it’s going to be a long time before I can fulfill that role of being a sweet devoted babygirl. For now I will just fantasize about kneeling before you every day, looking up at you with my cute, sweet face…flooding your hand with my warm wetness, coming for you and over…making you yummy foods and desserts…reading together…nuzzling your neck…feeling safe and comforted in your presence. Growing as a woman with my little girl side nurtured and content.