I know I could easily find a random guy and give him sloppy, passionate head. It probably wouldn’t be too hard to go down to the waterfront and find a guy, or go on Craigslist, or a dating site, or Fetlife. But my romantic side says no. Because I’ve done that before and the feeling I get afterward is emptiness. I need hugs, too. And caresses. And nuzzles. And emotional support. Things I won’t get with a fuck buddy, a casual partner, a hookup. The last time I had random fun was in November of last year. I have been so unbelievably turned on lately. I just want to orally worship a guy everyday, whenever he wants, as long as he desires it. Let him ride my face and fuck my mouth like it’s my pussy. And then bake him cupcakes and make him delicious dinner. Play video games together, read together, go on hikes, go on road trips. Explore the world together, learn from each other. But most guys want NSA sex. The last guy that was interested in a relationship was a bit controlling and he was moving way too fast for me. So sadly that didn’t work out. I’m not looking to get married anytime soon. But I do need a relationship. I don’t think I can keep pretending that I am okay with just casual sex. Everyone is different, and I think it’s time that I start accepting myself more. I think I’ve been denying this for a long time because I know that this means that I am going to be alone for a long time until I find the right guy.
(I say guy, but since I am pansexual, I can date someone of any gender.)
I will continue to keep my heart open and wait patiently for the right person.