I once went to a reiki practitioner. This was before I became spiritual in my personal life. My cousin had been raving about it and I had always been skeptical of it since I considered myself a science-based, staunch atheist. Well, long story short, I was proven wrong by this experienced practitioner and after she concluded my hour-long session, she told me that the main source of my depression was suppressed anger.
I thought it was interesting that she picked up on this without knowing how I have always avoided anger in my life. I am not saying I am better than most people, but I rarely take out my anger on others. Of course, I am human and sometimes it has happened, but that is why I have always directed the misplaced anger toward myself. That is the reason why I’ve self-inflicted so much pain, whether it be through cutting myself, drinking myself to a stupor, shopping to excess or having numb, vapid sex with strangers.
Anger makes me extremely uncomfortable. I don’t like letting people see me in such a vulnerable, embarrassing state. It may sound silly, but perhaps as an empath, I feel anger much more intimately than others. I can literally feel my throat tighten up and every cell in my body vibrates with that emotion.
I agree with what my reiki practitioner told me, though. She said that anger is not a negative emotion. Society shames us for acknowledging and expressing our anger in a healthy way. It’s not good to hurt others because of our emotional pain, but it’s also unhealthy to suppress it and pretend that it doesn’t exist. I’ve been ignoring my anger for much too long and it’s time that I released it in a healthy way. It will be extremely uncomfortable, but I am already seeing changes now that I am talking about my anger and focusing on the emotion instead of fleeing from it.