Succumbing To His Ardent Lust

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My throat

Eagerly milking

His beautiful cock

I succumb selflessly

To his ardent lust

His delirious erotic

Pleasure

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Life feels so empty.

Life feels so empty and vapid without someone to share it with. I know that I can’t force it. It will come to me. But I am hurting so bad…aching to connect with someone. Someone who won’t just see me as a walking sex object that will please their ego and body for five minutes or less. I know that I’m going to be alone for a long time. I’ve entertained the thought of going on eHarmony. Perhaps trying a new ad on FetLife looking for a real relationship. I guess it’s worth a try.

Grr

I wish I had a boyfriend/sir/daddy to face fuck me and let me rim him…my hands wrapped tightly around his hips as he makes me his sweet little devoted fuck doll all night long.

Casual sex.

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I know I could easily find a random guy and give him sloppy, passionate head. It probably wouldn’t be too hard to go down to the waterfront and find a guy, or go on Craigslist, or a dating site, or Fetlife. But my romantic side says no. Because I’ve done that before and the feeling I get afterward is emptiness. I need hugs, too. And caresses. And nuzzles. And emotional support. Things I won’t get with a fuck buddy, a casual partner, a hookup. The last time I had random fun was in November of last year. I have been so unbelievably turned on lately. I just want to orally worship a guy everyday, whenever he wants, as long as he desires it. Let him ride my face and fuck my mouth like it’s my pussy. And then bake him cupcakes and make him delicious dinner. Play video games together, read together, go on hikes, go on road trips. Explore the world together, learn from each other. But most guys want NSA sex. The last guy that was interested in a relationship was a bit controlling and he was moving way too fast for me. So sadly that didn’t work out. I’m not looking to get married anytime soon. But I do need a relationship. I don’t think I can keep pretending that I am okay with just casual sex. Everyone is different, and I think it’s time that I start accepting myself more. I think I’ve been denying this for a long time because I know that this means that I am going to be alone for a long time until I find the right guy.

(I say guy, but since I am pansexual, I can date someone of any gender.)

I will continue to keep my heart open and wait patiently for the right person.

A piece of erotic fiction I wrote.

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You’re sitting at your desk…doing your work diligently and I walk over to you with a sexy smirk. I look down at your crotch and lick my lips while I unbutton my blouse. You look at up at me and see the heat flickering in my gaze and you know exactly what I want.

So you roll back in your chair and I kneel down and position myself between your legs underneath the desk. I am so wet and turned on, my womb aching. I kiss your hardness through your slacks, feel your lovely erection getting longer for me. I rub you while I look up at you with my pretty bright eyes, my cute face.

I slowly unbuckle you and pull down your zipper. Your cock is so hard in your boxers and I kiss you softly through them. I can smell your scent, delicious and intoxicating. I want your cock in my mouth so bad but I want to take my time, savoring this fantasy that I’ve had for such a long time. I pull out your throbbing cock and moan as I gaze at it. I look up at you earnestly as I kiss the sensitive head, making you shudder and groan. I keep my gaze up at you as I lower my head and lick you from your aching balls to the tip of your swollen head.

I start suckling on the sensitive head while I massage your balls, lathering you in my wet, warm saliva. I am so hungry for you, I lick you everywhere, sucking your balls and taking your cock down my throat as much as I can. You growl and I love the way you grab my hair with both of your hands and pull, hard. You call me your little cock whore and I moan around your delicious cock. I wander my hand down to my aching wetness and shiver as I start flickering my clit with my middle finger.

Even though I am out of practice, I take your cock all the way down my throat as I furiously touch myself and you curse, telling me what a good little slut I am. My mouth and face are covered in my warm spit and you tell me to suck your balls while you stroke yourself. I love sucking your aching sensitive balls and more wetness floods my core, making me shake. I lick underneath your balls and you pull my hair harder, stroking your wet hard cock that is lubricated from my spit. My entire body tenses and spasms as I feel my orgasm quickly approaching and you jerk your hips up as you groan and shake as well. Give me your hot boss cum, please, I beg you, I say. I need it. You hiss and grab my cheek as you finally come all over my face and I buck and whimper as I squirt all over my hand. I kiss your cock and look up at you with gratitude. Thank you sir, I whisper.

Starting to come out of my shell.

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So I’m not going to meet my daddy or mommy anytime soon. I’m okay with that now. But I definitely want to play. But it’s hard to find people near me who are single, open minded, kinky and unattached. I got the courage to reply to a posting online about an MFM but it seems that the men are attached and I don’t want to help anyone cheat. Still, I am happy that I am coming out of my shell more. I am not letting the past dictate my present anymore, or at least I’m trying. While I know that I have to be safe, my problem has been that I have been too safe and I have let fear and paranoia run my life. Often times it feels like most people are bad and would hurt me if they could. I truly do feel like that. But I am doing my best to try to change that. So that I may enjoy a scenario like the one above with someone I can connect with and trust. Mm. 🙂

Dealing With Low-Self Esteem & Other Issues

Everyone has experienced some sort of rejection. True, yes. But sexual abuse and bullying (I never received physical, just verbal abuse) just make the rejections worse, I swear. I’ve always been a lone wolf ever since I was very young in kindergarten. So trying to connect with someone since my divorce two years ago has been extremely difficult.

Honestly I think it’s due a to a number of different factors. My self-esteem is still low; all I can really focus on is my little tummy and how short I am. How most people would prefer a tall woman with long flowing hair and flawless makeup. At the moment, my hair is pretty short but growing fast. It’s skimming my neck now.

Another problem that I am having is that most of the men I attract are married. There are a lot of open marriages and I am NOT passing judgment on them. I’m not even really judging someone who is openly cheating. I just can’t help them cheat. Period. No matter how much we connect or like each other. I just can’t do it. So a lot of people that could have been right for me were discounted.

It really does feel like I will never have this sort of relationship. Like it’s too good to be true. If it doesn’t happen, that’s okay. But it feels like a waste. Nearly everyday I play out sexy scenarios in my head that go unfulfilled. I can go to the bar and find a guy to have vanilla sex, sure. Or I could ask him to dominate me. But it just wouldn’t feel right. Because he wouldn’t be a true dom to me…he wouldn’t be my protector, my friend, the man that cares for what is within me and not just what I can give him. Sex is so easy to find now. Finding a true connection seems impossible.

Favorite dream

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One time I had a dream that I was underneath this guy’s desk at his job and I was going to give him a nice sloppy blowjob which included me deepthroating him of course and he was wearing a gorgeous suit and really nice shoes. Of course the dream ended abruptly when I woke up. It’s kind of sad how I have more of a life in my dreams than in real life. I just need to work on my confidence honestly. It’s getting better though. 🙂

So frustrated.

I’m so frustrated. I know that I won’t find my daddy/mommy if I just hide in my room all day, but I’ve had bad luck with my search online and it’s very hard for me to go out and be social. I went to a munch once and I did not really enjoy it. I just have this feeling that I will never find the right daddy/mommy for me. Having low confidence doesn’t help either. All of this desire and lust just rots inside of me.